Author Archives: kelverbiest
Well, another year has passed and another year is upon us. As I’m sitting here on my packed commuter train home wondering what’s in store this year. After paying a ridiculous amount of money (extra money at that) on a train ticket I’m told ‘don’t worry, your money is going to these places’. Those places being rail repairs, station repairs, staffing, energy. Things that I don’t see, won’t see and, in the case of staffing, doesn’t change a thing. No doubt there will be numerous delayed train due to staff shortages, a delightful result of me paying more money… hang on, that’s no right. But aside from rising train prices, what else is in store for 2012? God knows the Mayans have predicted death every single year but it seems that 2012 is a very important year for death, as is my understanding. I wonder if we’ll all die? Does it really matter? But I digress…
It’s not every day that I get a reply from someone that I’ve emailed back. Mostly because I’m taking the piss or my reply doesn’t help them at all. Some of these spammers are so desperate to get something that they’ll reply to the most pointless emails they get.
Here’s email number 1 from him:
It’s funny. As soon as you get one email about money, another pops up straight away, I don’t how there’s a global economic crisis (excluding China and a couple of other countries) when people are simply begging to give you a share of their money. Following on from the ‘Iraq Money’ spam that I got, not longer than 4 hours after it, I received this delightful bit of spam:
My name is larry Johnson, Director of Inspection here in Atlanta airport Georgia USA. Hi Larry, great to meet you. I’m bowled over and stunned by your wonderful job title
During our investigation i discovered two consignment with your name tagged of them. I imagine that with all of the packages that come and go through an airport on a day to day basis that you don’t have a lot of time for spelling or the use of correct words so I’ll let it slide when you say ‘name tagged of them’
when scanned it revealed an undisclosed sum of money in a Metal Trunk Box weighing approximately 110kg each. The scanner tells you there’s an undisclosed sum of money in there? That’s incredible. Maybe it could tell you how much is in there if it’s able to tell you it’s definitely money and not just paper!
I get countless amounts of spam emails when I’m at work and the majority of them make me laugh. Some of them I like to reply to and I know that this opens me up to more spam email but you can’t put a price on entertaining yourself these days. I think I’ll post up some of my spam emails and replies (if I send one), you know, for a laugh. Here goes today’s brilliant spam…
What a bad start. I’m clearly not your friend as you haven’t emailed me directly and I have no idea who you are. The fact that the email was sent to ‘undisclosed recipients’ leads me to believe you might be a bit of an email slut. But then I suppose calling me friend leads me to think it’s endearing and like you more. Shame you didn’t know I’m a bitter, bitter man.
Very rarely do you find a website that is entertaining. When I say entertaining, I mean actually entertaining. One that makes you laugh and one that you’d go back and check. A lot of websites don’t fall under this title and there will be thousands that don’t fall under it. This website however, not mine – the one that I’m talking about – is one that falls under that category. For me anyway.
Ok, so I might not check back every week to see what’s going on but it definitely entertained me for a little while! TextsFromBennett is a Tumblr site about a guy’s cousin who thinks he’s a complete crip. In a distinctively middle-class way, I think that he means he’s quite street and ‘gangsta’. Jury is still out but if the urban dictionary is anything to go by then this kid definitely believes he’s street. If you’re someone who doesn’t like text speak then this might make you tear your eyes out and question whether a God can really exist if this is all possible. Yes, it’s a warning, these texts are horribly misspelt.
If we’re going to stereotype the world then us Brits must be known to the rest of the world, and I’ve heard this info from my French pal, as binge drinking, crazy people. Yes, the days of our stereotype having bad teeth and saying ‘pip pip’ before and after every sentence have gone. So what shall we do to embrace our new found (ish) culture? Well, why not dive head first into this new website?!
It’s not a new social site where you get to share drinks recipes, tag each other in police mug shots and the like but a website that’s kind of linked to Spotify. All you have to do is type in who or what you’re listening to and it’ll give you the appropriate drink to consumer while listening. It’s just that simple!
I’m one of those people that enjoys the odd video being sent to them from time to time. If I’m brutally honest it happens quite a lot at work and this video made the list of great things to watch whilst you’re bored.
This video appears to be one in a series of YouTube edits but I’m only going to talk about this one because that’s all the effort I can muster up as I sit opposite the tallest kid known to man (he’s also getting fairly well acquainted with his coffee cup as I type). The video is more of a basketball vs ultimate frisbee but in trick shot form. These guys have clearly had a bit too much time on their hands whilst also being talented (loosely used term).
All bets are open for this one and it’s a tight call. Who’s going to edge it as the hottest competition known to man is going to kick off!
Ok, so maybe a bit of context might help. As many of you know I’m a regular commuter to London and like to post delightful tweets about the ‘interesting’ and unintelligent characters that I happen upon each and every day within the tight confines of my regular train. During the time I spend tweeting, thinking and judging, I like to people watch. Don’t judge me for it, we all do it and we all enjoy it but sometimes it’s leads me to think about ridiculous ideas that might be worth a try. This article for instance is an idea that came to me when I was watching someone read the paper. I didn’t watch them for long, I just noticed that they were holding the paper with two hands as the train carriage violently shook around like a bar fight in a wine glass (I don’t know where that came from!).
Another year went past and another visit to Relentless Freeze came up. As per usual I decided to arm myself with my SLR and head to Battersea Power Station. After an hour long struggle to get a media bib so I could get up to the jump, I had to blag my way up there and compete with 30 other photographers for a spot. Seems that it’s become slowly more popular with the world’s media and looks like it’ll be heading that way for some time to come. But I digress…
Here’s a selection of photos I managed to get from the event. They aren’t very good, I’ll be the first to admit that but you do what you can eh?! I think I need a new camera…
Come on everyone, let’s be honest, we all love a good wedding. From watching the awkward uncle throw down some shocking dance moves while the fat cousin chows down on the fondue, which always looks suspiciously like someone has liberated their stomach lining into it.
At the majority of weddings there’s some bloke who’s been paid an absolute fortune to drag along his Canon 550d to take the best posed shots you’ve ever seen. He’s also got to take some photos that aren’t meant to look posed but they are posed, but not meant to look posed, without seeming like they’re not posing by posing in a way you aren’t posing. Yeh…
So anyway. I spotted the Impossible Project (who I’ve written about before) tweet this absolute delight out. It’s from a couple’s wedding and they took a lot of shots on polaroids and, well, it just makes it look ten times better. I’ll let you decide but I think it looks f*cking awesome.