Spam Email #2: Airport money
It’s funny. As soon as you get one email about money, another pops up straight away, I don’t how there’s a global economic crisis (excluding China and a couple of other countries) when people are simply begging to give you a share of their money. Following on from the ‘Iraq Money’ spam that I got, not longer than 4 hours after it, I received this delightful bit of spam:
My name is larry Johnson, Director of Inspection here in Atlanta airport Georgia USA. Hi Larry, great to meet you. I’m bowled over and stunned by your wonderful job title
During our investigation i discovered two consignment with your name tagged of them. I imagine that with all of the packages that come and go through an airport on a day to day basis that you don’t have a lot of time for spelling or the use of correct words so I’ll let it slide when you say ‘name tagged of them’
when scanned it revealed an undisclosed sum of money in a Metal Trunk Box weighing approximately 110kg each. The scanner tells you there’s an undisclosed sum of money in there? That’s incredible. Maybe it could tell you how much is in there if it’s able to tell you it’s definitely money and not just paper!
I want to use my good office to bring them to you for mutual benefit. only on the condition that we will share it 50% for 50% for me. Well no one wants to use their ‘bad office’ to bring people things. That’s just going to have the worst connotations ever! I am pleased that you’re willing to share something that is clearly marked FOR MY ATTENTION as you have told me already. Surely I should just turn up, retrieve my metal boxes of cash and leave? Oh and ‘50% for 50% for me’? That kind of ambiguity doesn’t make you friends.
Get back to me now with your full name, address and direct telephone numbers on my private emial: email@example.com as soon as i hear from you, i will forward all the details of the delivery to you including the time frame.
Thanks Larry. I’ll let you have my full name, address and direct telephone numbers. It astonishes me that you know I have more than one! I’ll make sure they’re sent to your private ’emial’.
My reply? Well, I had to wait a while to think of the right things to say but I manage to muster up something…
Thank you for bringing this to my attention. Of course I am aware of the two packages in your possession as they had my ‘name tagged of them’. Why would I not know about a package that is meant to be for me that is filled with an undisclosed amount of cash. I’ll let you in on a little secret… it’s US$450 million.
I’m shitting you Larry, I had no idea there was a bucket-load of cash waiting for me and I’m so grateful that you got in touch with me about this. I’ll tell you what. I’m trying to help out another one of my new email friends called Freeman (he’s cc’d in for everyone’s convenience – Hi Freeman!) and he’s got a substantial amount of cash in Iraq. It’s so big he’s still counting it after 5 years! You work at the airport and he needs a way of bringing it back so why not get in touch and help? For my services I only ask for 50% of your cut of the money. It’s not that much for the amount you’ll keep and as a show of good faith, you can go ahead and keep those two metal containers with cash in it. I feel you’ll put it to better use and we’ll be able to do business in the future.
Actually, those metal containers sound suspiciously like the ones Freeman was talking about. Freeman, did you post them to me already you sly dog! Before I’d even given you my postal details as well!
I hope for a long and fruitful friendship between us all.
Love and hugs,
Write me back peeps!
He’s been fairly quiet since then…